I am trying to solve this error for hours.
PHP runs fine, relevant data from PHP info at the end.
I have read EVERY document to this topic on the internet. there seamy to be some misteries about this behaviour. and I will put php.ini at the end.
any ideas on how to aproach this problem?

thanks in advance, sorry for the big post, but this way you hava all the relevant data.
I need to get rid of my frustration: how can you write a peace of software that doesn't tell you why it cant access the database?!?

php.info:
mysql
MySQL Support enabled
Active Persistent Links 0
Active Links 0
Client API version 5.0.51a

Directive Local Value Master Value
mysql.allow_persistent On On
mysql.connect_timeout 60 60
mysql.default_host localhost localhost
mysql.default_password no value no value
mysql.default_port no value no value
mysql.default_socket no value no value
mysql.default_user no value no value
mysql.max_links Unlimited Unlimited
mysql.max_persistent Unlimited Unlimited
mysql.trace_mode Off Off

mysqli
MysqlI Support enabled
Client API library version 5.0.51a
Client API header version 5.0.51a
MYSQLI_SOCKET /tmp/mysql.sock

Directive Local Value Master Value
mysqli.default_host localhost localhost
mysqli.default_port 3306 3306
mysqli.default_pw no value no value
mysqli.default_socket no value no value
mysqli.default_user no value no value
mysqli.max_links Unlimited Unlimited
mysqli.reconnect Off Off

php.ini:
[PHP]

engine = On
zend.ze1_compatibility_mode = Off
short_open_tag = Off
asp_tags = Off
precision = 14
y2k_compliance = On
output_buffering = 4096
zlib.output_compression = Off
implicit_flush = Off
unserialize_callback_func=
serialize_precision = 100
allow_call_time_pass_reference = Off
safe_mode = Off
safe_mode_gid = Off
safe_mode_include_dir =
safe_mode_exec_dir =
safe_mode_allowed_env_vars = PHP_
safe_mode_protected_env_vars = LD_LIBRARY_PATH
disable_functions =
disable_classes =
expose_php = On
max_execution_time = 30 ; Maximum execution time of each script, in seconds
max_input_time = 60 ; Maximum amount of time each script may spend parsing request data
memory_limit = 128M ; Maximum amount of memory a script may consume (128MB)
error_reporting = E_ALL
display_errors = "stderr"
display_startup_errors = Off
log_errors = On
log_errors_max_len = 1024
ignore_repeated_errors = Off
ignore_repeated_source = Off
report_memleaks = On
track_errors = Off
error_log = syslog
variables_order = "GPCS"
register_globals = Off
register_long_arrays = Off
register_argc_argv = Off
auto_globals_jit = On
post_max_size = 8M
magic_quotes_gpc = Off
magic_quotes_runtime = Off
magic_quotes_sybase = Off
auto_prepend_file =
auto_append_file =
doc_root =
user_dir =
extension_dir ="C:\Program Files\PHP\ext"
enable_dl = On
fastcgi.impersonate = 1;
file_uploads = On
upload_max_filesize = 2M
allow_url_fopen = On
allow_url_include = Off
default_socket_timeout = 60
upload_tmp_dir="C:\Windows\Temp"
session.save_path="C:\Windows\Temp"
cgi.force_redirect=0
extension=php_msql.dll
[PHP_MSSQL]
extension=php_mssql.dll
[PHP_MYSQL]
extension=php_mysql.dll
[PHP_MYSQLI]
extension=php_mysqli.dll
[PHP_PDO]
extension=php_pdo.dll
[PHP_LDAP]
extension=php_ldap.dll
[PHP_IISFUNC]
extension=php_iisfunc.dll
SMTP = localhost
smtp_port = 25
sql.safe_mode = Off
odbc.allow_persistent = On
odbc.check_persistent = On
odbc.max_persistent = -1
odbc.max_links = -1
odbc.defaultlrl = 4096
odbc.defaultbinmode = 1
mysql.allow_persistent = On
mysql.max_persistent = -1
mysql.max_links = -1
mysql.default_port =
mysql.default_socket =
mysql.default_host =localhost
mysql.default_user =
mysql.default_password =
mysql.connect_timeout = 60
mysql.trace_mode = Off
mysqli.max_links = -1
mysqli.default_port = 3306
mysqli.default_socket =
mysqli.default_host =localhost
mysqli.default_user =
mysqli.default_pw =
mysqli.reconnect = Off
msql.allow_persistent = On
msql.max_persistent = -1
msql.max_links = -1
pgsql.ignore_notice = 0
pgsql.log_notice = 0
sybase.allow_persistent = On
sybase.max_persistent = -1
sybase.max_links = -1
sybase.min_error_severity = 10
sybase.min_message_severity = 10
sybase.compatability_mode = Off
sybct.allow_persistent = On
sybct.max_persistent = -1
sybct.max_links = -1
sybct.min_server_severity = 10
sybct.min_client_severity = 10
bcmath.scale = 0
ifx.default_host =
ifx.default_user =
ifx.default_password =
ifx.allow_persistent = On
ifx.max_persistent = -1
ifx.max_links = -1
ifx.textasvarchar = 0
ifx.byteasvarchar = 0
ifx.charasvarchar = 0
ifx.blobinfile = 0
ifx.nullformat = 0
session.save_handler = files
session.use_cookies = 1
session.name = PHPSESSID
session.auto_start = 0
session.cookie_lifetime = 0
session.cookie_path = /
session.cookie_domain =
scripting languages such as JavaScript.
session.cookie_httponly =
session.serialize_handler = php
session.gc_probability = 1
session.gc_divisor = 1000
session.gc_maxlifetime = 1440
session.bug_compat_42 = 0
session.bug_compat_warn = 1
session.referer_check =
session.entropy_length = 0
session.entropy_file =
session.cache_limiter = nocache
session.cache_expire = 180
session.use_trans_sid = 0
session.hash_function = 0
session.hash_bits_per_character = 5
url_rewriter.tags = "a=href,area=href,frame=src,input=src,form=fakeentry"
mssql.allow_persistent = On
mssql.max_persistent = -1
mssql.max_links = -1
mssql.min_error_severity = 10
mssql.min_message_severity = 10
mssql.compatability_mode = Off
mssql.secure_connection = Off
mbstring.encoding_translation = Off
tidy.clean_output = Off
soap.wsdl_cache_enabled=1
soap.wsdl_cache_dir="/tmp"
soap.wsdl_cache_ttl=86400