Clean, Search Engine Friendly (SEF) URLs using Jumpline host (how to)

If you're using Jumpline as your host, you may be wondering, "Why can't I get clean URLs to work?" After all, mod_rewrite is enabled by default. .htaccess files are set to "override all" by default, clean URLs work with other scripts?? Everything is perfect but it doesn't work!
Tearing your hair out?
Well after 24 hours of messing with it (even dreaming about it last night) I finally figured it out. Here is the step-by-step...

1.) EDIT YOUR HTTPD.CONF FILE. This is the major source of your problem.
Find it by logging in with your ftp client and going to
/etc/httpd/conf/httpd.conf

Open it and jump to line 476. Change "None" to "All."
i.e.

<Directory />
    Options FollowSymLinks
    AllowOverride All
</Directory>

This is different from the "AllowOverride" at line 507 - which must also be set to "All" but is already done by default.

2.) SAVE THIS FILE, overriding the original, AND RESTART APACHE
You restart apache by going to your VDS manager, clicking "Site Management," then click the "Settings" tab. Find Restart VDS and click the "Restart" button. Wait 30 seconds for Apache to restart and you're good to go.

3.) Then, just enable clean URLs in Drupal and life should be giving you lemonade.

In your .htaccess file, strangely, your rewrite base directory does NOT need to be changed.
My final file (after many tweaks just looked like the original .htaccess:

  RewriteEngine on
  #RewriteBase /

Rock on friends. I hope this saves you some frustration.